15 February 2012

lose yourself.

i had a realization today. at one time in my life, i had the ability to lose myself in something. a variety of things. i would spent hours upon hours immersed in...theatre. school newspaper. music. reading a book. even cleaning. some place among graduating from high school, moving into one of four apartments in two years, and acquiring enough credits to have a degree but lacking the decisiveness to stick with one major for longer than six months, i lost this ability. now, i can only lose myself in one thing: film. technically, film and television. i watch something, and i get lost in the lives of the characters. i identify with a character. i connect. and i immerse myself in that character. thus, i end up watching a lot of shows.

since it was valentine's day, i spent my day watching chick flicks. i watched one of my favorites today. two weeks notice. and i found myself identifying with sandra bullock's character. lucy kelson. brilliant. driven. incredibly high expectations for herself. but alone. intimidating. as george wade, hugh grant's character, puts it, "no one wants to live with a saint. saints are boring."

and then i start thinking.

am i boring?

intimidating?

is that why i'm perpetually single?

will i play matchmaker, watch all my friends find love, and end up alone?

i hope not. but maybe.

that's all, for the time being.

bye for now.

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