03 April 2012

all of the boys and all of the girls.

having written about my underwear, it's time to post about sex.

i will quickly admit that my "sex life" has not been filled with happiness. in fact, most of my sexual encounters have been fairly traumatic experiences, in one way or another. i don't like to be the one in control, but i don't like not having control. i will do what others want me to -- not because i like to please, but because i'm terrified of what will happen if i say, "no." though, i do like to please. i just prefer to do so in a situation that i don't feel i've been pressured into.

anyway. pressure. sex. women. i do a lot of reading on things like the virginity movement (people who are predominantly christian and ultra-conservative, who feel that the worth of a woman is dependent entirely upon whether or not she is, or ever has been, sexually active), because i grew up with the knowledge that if i were to ever have sex before marriage, i would become a social pariah. i also knew that if i were to ever be sexually assaulted or abused, this would be considered the consequence of some fault of my own. at this point in my life, i don't think i will ever have children. but, if i do ever have children, i do NOT want them growing up with these same thoughts.

i realize that i'm rambling, and most of what i'm saying is disjointed. but, here's my point: sex is a good thing. people should not be afraid of sex. people who have sex should not be shamed for doing so. people have boundaries, and their environment should be conducive to staying within those boundaries. communication is necessary. "no" means "no." silence means "no." "yes" under coercion means "no." in a moment of uncertainty, err on the side of caution and assume the answer is "no." and, most importantly, be gracious. be respectful. and have fun. :) sex is meant to be enjoyed.

bye for now.

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