18 April 2012

mama.

i'd like to tell you about my mom.

my relationship with my mom has always been very complicated. but, for the purposes of this post, i will stick to more positive things.

when i was seven, i had growing pains. during the day, i didn't notice these pains. however, when it came time to go to sleep, the pain would bring me to tears. my mom thought this was awfully convenient, since i had a habit of finding ways to get out of going to sleep at my scheduled bedtime. she made this known. but. my mom used to come downstairs and sit on the edge of my bed, and try to massage the pain away.

i was thinking about this last night. i've been having growing pains again, though it's doubtful that i will get any taller. i couldn't sleep, because my legs hurt so badly. and all i could think of was how i wanted my mom to come into my room, sit on the edge of my bed, and somehow make the pain go away.

no matter what goes on between us, whenever life gets messy, or i'm sick or in pain, or hurt in some other way, all i want is for my mom to give me a hug. let me cry. tell me it's going to be okay. despite what her opinion is on the situation, my mom possesses some magical power that makes the world seem less scary.

maybe that's why, as my anxiety has worsened, i've opted to spend weekends at my mom's house. maybe.

i text my mom all the time. i call her almost every day. i go home almost every weekend. sometimes, i send her emails while she's at work, with links to songs or with pictures attached. because i can. i don't tell her everything, because there are some things she doesn't need to know. some things she doesn't need to worry about. but we're close, in a weird sort of way.

my family means the world to me. we're an interesting bunch, with idiosyncrasies that don't mesh very nicely. we don't always get along. we drive each other insane. but. the first place i want to be, when i'm feeling less-than-stellar, is with them.

just so you know.

bye for now.

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