30 April 2012

save me from the nothing i've become.

last thoughts, and then i will stop writing and go sleep. i recently posted about self-harm. and my relation to it. this post is sort of in conjunction with that one.

i don't know how many of you have ever had suicidal thoughts. i, personally, think that everyone wonders about what it'd be like to die, or finds themselves pondering the fragility of life. however, while some of us wonder and ponder because these are interesting philosophical questions, others of us wonder and ponder because we're considering.

i have been in that place. it is a dark, scary, lonely place. it hasn't been very long since i was last in that place, and i will probably find myself in that place once again, at some point.

there was a girl who goes to school with my brother that tried to commit suicide. while at school.

my mom's friend teaches at said school. she said that this girl is one of those types who 'does whatever to get attention. after all, if you really want to die, you're not going to kill yourself at a school.'

this statement upset me.

yes, oftentimes suicide attempts are cries for help. if people are completely sure about suicide, they can find ways to make sure their 'attempt' is successful. yes, sometimes people want attention. sometimes people want attention because they are in pain. because their world is in shambles, and they want someone to notice that everything is not okay.

my attempts have been such. cries for help. now, i tell other people when i'm having suicidal thoughts. yes, this is a cry for help. yes, this is because i want attention. but i want attention because i feel like i'm drowning. and it'd be great if someone would notice, and help me out of the water before it's too late. i get stuck inside my head, thinking about how the only escape is to end my life. sometimes, i can't get out of that place on my own.

this having been said. if someone talks to you and what they are saying sounds suspiciously like contemplating suicide, please. reach out to them. you don't have to know what to say. they don't always know what they want you to say. but, let them know they're not alone. let them know that you believe their life is worthwhile. that they mean something to someone. if someone threatens to commit suicide, please. tell someone else. preferably someone who can help. thirdly, don't dismiss talk of suicide as a 'cry for attention.' yes. yes, it probably is a cry for attention. but, it is a cry that should be recognized, and answered.

people need people. sometimes people decide they want to die because they feel like they are no longer needed, or noticed. sometimes people decide they want to die because they feel worthless. whatever the reason, reach out to these people.

bye for now.

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