07 April 2012

wrap me up, unfold me.

this is a post about identity.

i am a bisexual agnostic cis female american of mainly british and scandinavian heritage.

i listen to all kinds of music -- though, lately, i have immersed myself in a blend of eminem, miles davis and eric clapton. i am a literature major and read mostly what i'm assigned to read. this semester, that has been modern british and russian realist/modernist novels/poetry/short stories. on my own time, i love to read memoirs, dystopian literature, plays and poetry. i mostly watch crime shows. i love psychological thrillers, but have a soft spot for chick-flicks.

i invest a lot of time thinking about how i can avoid causing other people pain. i am an oldest child. an only girl. i don't want kids. i don't know that i want to ever be married, either.

when i vote, i vote democrat; i'm registered 'unaffiliated' and refer to myself as being a 'social democrat.' i believe in social programs, mainly public education and socialized medicine.

my favorite pen is a purple paper mate ball point made of 80% recycled materials. i love the purple ink, and i love the way the pen feels in my hand. my second favorite pen is a blue cristal bic. my favorite colors are purple (eggplant), gray (charcoal), and black. i dislike animal prints. i refuse to drive trucks, vans, suvs or cross-overs. the most recent pair of shoes i bought are a size 3 in kids.

when i was little, i wanted to be both an astronaut and a ballerina. i saw no reason why i couldn't do both. i wanted to be smart and pretty. that's still mostly what i want in life. to be both smart and pretty. i hate my appearance.

i would do anything for the people i care about. i love my family, even though they are crazy. i've struggled with depression and anxiety issues for many, many years, but am only now trying to face those issues. i seek out the good qualities in others and ignore the faults, but act conversely in regards to myself.

my favorite word is 'ameliorate.'

these things, and many others, comprise my identity. i am much more than 'female.' i am much more than 'bisexual.' though there may be common threads between myself and other females, or myself and other bisexuals, i am not my gender. i am not my sexuality. they are important parts of who i am. i am sarcastic and self-depricating. these are also important parts of my identity. there is more to me than can be surmised from a checkmark next to the letter 'f'' or the letter 'b.'

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