15 February 2012

men's shirts, short skirts.

posit on modesty:

i think the concept of modesty is ridiculous. this isn't me holding on to rebellious pre-teen notions that adults are trying to control children through restrictions on what they can and can't wear. this is me, as an adult, recognizing that modesty is a cop out. the whole concept of modesty is that it is easier to ask women to dress like nuns than to expect men to act like decent human beings. truth.

and you may disagree with me. you may tell me that modesty shows respect for oneself, respect for what God has given you. (we'll leave the religious discussion for another time.) you may tell me that modesty is a symbol of purity. and i will ask you: how? you will respond, "because it doesn't allow for unclean thoughts." or something along those lines. and i will say, "AHA!" case in point. who will have unclean thoughts if you show some skin? will you? no. the men who SEE you might, though. and whose problem is that? it's theirs.

it is not my responsibility to cover myself up because it's inconvenient for men to treat me like a human being instead of a sex object.

it is not okay for women to bear the responsibility for men behaving inappropriately.

and you may still disagree with me.

but i don't care.

i do care that when my most recent ex comes over to say hello, he asks me to put on a sweater so he doesn't get a hard-on. i do care that men follow me around, ogling me, making crude gestures at me, while i'm at work -- and that i have to ask someone on my team to leave what they're doing and come work in my area until these men leave. i do care that my mother thinks me wearing v-neck shirts will lead to my brothers being addicted to pornography. i do care that because there was a gap of skin showing between the waistband of my pajama pants and the bottom of my shirt, my ex thought it was okay for him to drug me and then finger me while i was unable to comprehend what was happening.

and it doesn't matter what i wear. skin or no skin, it's impossible to conceal my shape.

in medieval times, rich women wore dresses with plunging necklines, but it was considered inappropriate for their ankles to show.

and here we are today, with our victorian conceptions of morality.

some women will argue that women who show cleavage, wear close-fitting clothing or have raised hemlines have no respect for themselves. that they're playing into a patriarchal system in which women bear all, are consistently objectified, and then are blamed for whatever the consequences may be. maybe.

but i still think we let men off the hook too easily. that we perpetuate a culture in which it is okay for men to treat women poorly, because they "deserve it," if dressed a certain way.

it shouldn't matter what i'm wearing. you should treat me as a human being. because that is what i am.

bye for now.

lose yourself.

i had a realization today. at one time in my life, i had the ability to lose myself in something. a variety of things. i would spent hours upon hours immersed in...theatre. school newspaper. music. reading a book. even cleaning. some place among graduating from high school, moving into one of four apartments in two years, and acquiring enough credits to have a degree but lacking the decisiveness to stick with one major for longer than six months, i lost this ability. now, i can only lose myself in one thing: film. technically, film and television. i watch something, and i get lost in the lives of the characters. i identify with a character. i connect. and i immerse myself in that character. thus, i end up watching a lot of shows.

since it was valentine's day, i spent my day watching chick flicks. i watched one of my favorites today. two weeks notice. and i found myself identifying with sandra bullock's character. lucy kelson. brilliant. driven. incredibly high expectations for herself. but alone. intimidating. as george wade, hugh grant's character, puts it, "no one wants to live with a saint. saints are boring."

and then i start thinking.

am i boring?

intimidating?

is that why i'm perpetually single?

will i play matchmaker, watch all my friends find love, and end up alone?

i hope not. but maybe.

that's all, for the time being.

bye for now.

14 February 2012

you were meant for me.

valentine's day is one of my least favorite days of the year. i've always been single on valentine's day. i'm not bitter. i've just never had reason to celebrate the holiday. as such, i don't have many holiday "traditions."

however, i have one tradition of watching chick flicks every valentine's day. here is my list of my top ten  favorites. in order.
  1. breakfast at tiffany's
  2. you've got mail
  3. two weeks notice
  4. kate and leopold
  5. moonstruck
  6. serendipity
  7. sleepless in seattle
  8. she's the man
  9. french kiss
  10. notting hill
a lot of meg ryan. i know. so, while everyone else is going to see the vow and then getting their makeout on, i'm spending my day watching chick flicks. i hope to, at some point, order pizza. perhaps some cookie dough. maybe i'll paint my nails. do laundry. chill. this is the single life. :)

bye for now.

13 February 2012

all i really want.

i was talking with my cousin today. (i have no sisters -- my cousins are the closest thing i have to sisters.) anyway. we were talking about our top ten. the top ten celebrities we would like to hook up with. or make out with. or just stare at. i thought it'd be interesting to publish my list. lists, rather. i have multiple lists. feel free to comment with your own, as well. here goes:


top ten female actors...in no particular order
  1. kate beckinsale
  2. olivia wilde
  3. jennifer aniston
  4. rachel mcadams
  5. emma watson
  6. natalie portman
  7. mila kunis
  8. mary elizabeth winstead
  9. blake lively
  10. evan rachel wood


top ten male actors...in no particular order
  1. robert downey, jr.
  2. shemar moore
  3. brad pitt
  4. matt bomer
  5. bruce willis
  6. matthew gray gubler
  7. joseph gordon-levitt
  8. mark wahlberg
  9. hugh grant
  10. ryan reynolds

top five female musicians -- okay. i know 2-4 are sort of cliche. but really. we're going on appearance here.
  1. juliet simms
  2. shakira
  3. christina aguilera
  4. britney spears
  5. carrie underwood

top five male musicians
  1. dave grohl
  2. trent reznor
  3. adam gontier
  4. damien rice
  5. david cook

top ten lesbians
  1. michelle rodriguez
  2. amber heard
  3. clementine ford
  4. kirsten vangsness
  5. rachel maddow
  6. leisha hailey
  7. naya rivera
  8. evan rachel wood (bisexual)
  9. brandi carlile
  10. jane lynch

if i were a boy -- top ten gays
  1. matt bomer
  2. neil patrick harris
  3. nathan lane
  4. ian mckellen
  5. anthony rapp
  6. wentworth miller
  7. jay brannen
  8. alan cumming
  9. rupert everett
  10. george michael

people who are now dead, but i would've gone for in their day
  1. audrey hepburn
  2. cary grant
  3. grace kelly
  4. gene kelly
  5. james dean
  6. natalie wood
  7. gregory peck
  8. ginger rogers
  9. twiggy (not dead, but i would've only gone for her in the 60s)
  10. heath ledger

bye for now.